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The US Open came and went, giving us great tennis and excellent stories: Serena vs. everybody else; Serena vs. Venus; Federer vs Drop Shot; Serena vs. Serena; Italy vs. Italy; Djokovic vs. Federer. Every time I looked into the eyes of the players as they embarked on matches that would last for hours, it underscored how difficult it must be to manage their emotions for so long. Getting psyched up and holding it together for 90 seconds of laser focus in a perilous ski race is a totally different kind of feat. That said, the mental preparation needed to be at the top of your game is no less complicated.

The thing that stuck with me the most in the midst of all this tennis was an article in The Players’ Tribune by Mardy Fish, who retired as planned at the end of the tournament. The article, entitled “The Weight,” details his struggles with anxiety attacks that led him to quit the US Open in 2012, on his way to a match with Roger Federer. In addition to being a courageously written and fascinating look at one athlete’s struggles and how he worked through them, Fish brought home an issue in all sports that isn’t talked about much. The issue is mental health, and the way that it can be jeopardized by the very things that push you to the top.

For me, the article touched off an inner conversation I wrestle with all the time. There are so many good things cultivated and reinforced through athletics and sports—things like discipline, perseverance, mental and physical toughness, confidence, etc… But some of the very attributes that drive an athlete to greatness are the same ones that conspire to make life really tough in the world beyond the athletic arena. Overconfidence, egocentrism, hyper competitiveness and obsessiveness are tolerated, justified and even celebrated on the way up the ranks in the sporting world. They do not, however, make you an ideal roommate, teammate, soulmate or contributing member of society. Those traits, when left unchecked, can manifest as anything from antisocial annoyances in the “does not play well with others” vein, to entrenched habits and compulsions that inhibit personal growth and relationships, to joy-limiting and even life-threatening conditions that take control of your life.

In Fish’s case he could identify a point in time, in 2009, when he underwent an unhealthy transition, and when having a good career (Olympic silver medal, grand slam results, an ample paycheck) was not enough. He intensified his diet, training and entire approach, replacing job satisfaction with a relentless, single-minded drive to be better. Always better. “Stressful” and “destructive” are some of the words Fish uses to describe the effects. Rather than creating any security his improved ranking only pushed the stakes—and his anxiety— higher. “Doing great wasn’t something that my frame of mind back then had time to process. All I could focus on was doing better. It was a double-edged sword,” Fish explains.

This is not to minimize the positive and even therapeutic effects of pursuing excellence in sports. The intense focus can be a providential escape from social awkwardness, bad life circumstances or physical and emotional pain. It can be a way to positively enlist aspects of your makeup that are challenging elsewhere. Michael Phelps put his ADD energy to work in the pool, Tyler Hamilton cycled his way through the low spots of depression, endurance athletes support their high from endorphins and action sports athletes get their fix from adrenaline. Sports can be a legal, effective and healthy way to compensate and even medicate for a host of issues. That part is all good.

It gets dicey when the single-minded pursuit leads to antisocial or even destructive behavior: when self-confidence becomes Narcissism; or when self-control becomes an eating disorder; or when self-discipline becomes compulsive overtraining; or when a higher bar becomes crippling anxiety; or when enviable fearlessness becomes reckless irresponsibility. It gets dicey when the internal focus can no longer be diverted outwards, towards a wider field of view that includes contentedness, happiness, social connection and enduring, sustainable well-being. Call it empathy or call it being a decent human being—actively caring about people beyond yourself actually lightens your load, and becomes a form of strength.

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Hang time with teammates is one of the best lifetime bennies of sport.

For athletes bent on success and those who support them, it’s a tough balance. When trying to get through a grueling workout or competition, athletes are told to go inside themselves, tap into their deepest reserves for that last scrap of resolve. In these moments nobody says “ask for help” or “give yourself a break” or “surrender” because that would sound ridiculous. Ultimately athletic performance, whether in an individual or team sport, is entirely self-motivated and self-controlled. Digging deep, pushing hard, ignoring pain, risking everything—in sport all of it is considered a reasonable and virtuous sacrifice. But just as reaching inside for strength has value, so too does the ability to access, appreciate and accept resources of strength outside of yourself.

Fish’s story was its own victory, a reminder that if you have to choose between success in sports and long term health, choose the latter. Better yet, look for the third choice that includes both. Confidence can exist with humility, strength with vulnerability, self-discipline with self-forgiveness, competitiveness with camaraderie. They are among the many essential life skills athletes are wise to cultivate while still in sports. Doing so will make the transition away from sports much easier and the relationships after sports much richer. You don’t just quit competitive sports. There is a clean up involved. It’s better to know that going in.

Another great moment in the US Open was when unheralded Champion Flavia Pennetta decided to retire in the minutes before receiving her prize. It was as awesome as it is rare. When riding high it’s hard to envision coming off that wave. It takes discipline and perspective to be able to stop the moment, savor it, and know that it is the right time to move on. Knowing your limits and vulnerabilities, at every stage of sport, is an underrated strength. Fish makes a point that he did not “overcome” his troubles. Rather, he worked through them and will continue to work through them, probably for the rest of his life. Daunting? Yes. Devastating? Not really. Not anymore.

 

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12 Comments

  1. Diann Roffe Sep 22, 2015 at 07:28

    Thanks for speaking about what should not be discussed. I am glad you did. You helped me understand why I retired after winning my last world cup race at Vail. There is still not a lot of clarity as to why the timing was so important to me, but I think you nailed the main reason.

    Competing at a very high level goes hand in hand with behavior not normally accepted in everyday living. (Think John McEnroe) This makes for a rocky integration into society after retirement.

    Thanks again Edie for some realistic insight.

    Reply

    • Edie Sep 22, 2015 at 15:50

      Oh man Diann. I use you as an example all the time. As in “very very few athletes, even the best of the best, have that magical retirement.” It’s a beautiful thing when it happens. Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  2. Pat McCloskey Sep 22, 2015 at 09:02

    Very well written Edith. Great points of view.

    Reply

  3. Cindy Pierce Sep 22, 2015 at 10:30

    I am sharing this social media, on email and in person. Great job connecting the Mardy Fish story to our world of parenting young athletes. Well written indeed!! Such important points. Thanks for connecting the dots.

    Reply

    • Edie Sep 22, 2015 at 15:48

      Thanks for sharing it far and wide!

      Reply

  4. Edie Sep 22, 2015 at 13:33

    Thanks for reading Pat. Getting fired up for ski season?

    Reply

  5. Chris Sep 22, 2015 at 15:18

    Edy
    Well said. I also work in a world that at time requires a fairly good opinion of yourself. When I walk out the jetway and turn left into the flight deck it important to be confident. Key is to change hats when when you walk out.
    Teaching our athletes humility and balance is often challenging.
    Thanks for showing us the light!
    Hope to see you this winter at KSC.

    Reply

    • Edie Sep 22, 2015 at 15:47

      Thanks for sharing your perspective Chris. And yeah, there’s nothing wrong with confidence!

      Reply

  6. Bruce Lingelbach Sep 23, 2015 at 07:10

    Great thoughts! Well written!!!

    Reply

  7. Richard McNulty Sep 24, 2015 at 09:38

    Thank you, Edie. When Neely sent me the link to “heavier side of sports” I expected a recipe from “bring it!” Instead of a tasty treat, you delivered a thoughtful perspective about sports and life, competing and compassion, etc. Bravo… and bon appétit!

    Reply

    • Edie Sep 24, 2015 at 10:44

      That would have been the heavier side of crostata. Which actually is not a bad idea. Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  8. Pennie Rand Oct 31, 2015 at 07:50

    Edie! You articulate this issue so well.
    My favorite part…
    “Confidence can exist with humility, strength with vulnerability, self-discipline with self-forgiveness, competitiveness with camaraderie. They are among the many essential life skills athletes are wise to cultivate while still in sports.”
    It’s like a big garden. Keeping watering it and things will grow…including the gardener!
    Thank you!

    Reply

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